


Establishing a New Pattern

by Diary



Category: The Normal Heart (2014)
Genre: Bechdel Test Fail, Bottle Episode Fic, Canon Gay Character, Canon Gay Relationship, Declarations Of Love, Established Felix Turner/Ned Weeks, Established Relationship, M/M, Missing Scene, POV Felix Turner, POV Male Character, POV Queer Character, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-07
Updated: 2016-03-07
Packaged: 2018-05-25 05:39:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6182656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diary/pseuds/Diary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Felix reflects on Ned's declaration of love. Complete.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Establishing a New Pattern

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own The Normal Heart.

Ned’s breathing evens out, and taking a silent breath, Felix closes his eyes.

 _I love you_ , echoes through his head.

There’s a pattern, and he knows he should try to break it.

The pattern is: He was so scared of wanting his best friend, he found himself doing something he didn’t really want to do with a pretty member of his school's debate club. Years later, she told him he couldn’t see his son, and he fought until he saw how genuine her boyfriend’s love for both of them was.

He met a charming man, and he was so scared of being alone, he agreed to an open relationship and still found himself kicked out when someone younger came around.

The one time he took advantage of not being bound to monogamy was when he found his mouth watering as a man who didn’t even spare him a glance walked by. The sex was rough, mechanical, and rushed, but for some reason he still can’t explain, there was a subtle itch under his skin for years afterward no other man could truly satiate.

When he finally got to a point where he wasn’t calling his ex-wife’s number every other week just in the hope his son would answer and could get through the days without feeling strong bursts of loneliness, Alexander, a.k.a. Ned Weeks, reappeared.

He tells himself, if not for the confusing itch, he wouldn’t have called, but he’s not sure he believes himself.

It wasn’t the only reason, but he knows Ned partly agreed to the date because he was determined to get more information in the paper.

Now, Ned mumbles something, and opening his eyes, Felix breathes in.

Whether he believed it or not, some part of him thought, even if nothing serious came out of it, going to bed once with Ned would take care of the itch.

Well, he reflects, it had- in a way.

He’s gotten to do everything he didn’t get to experience in the bathhouse, and he knows what it’s like to be surrounded by Ned’s smell and feel Ned’s body wrapped around his.

The itch is gone, but he knows he’ll never find anyone else who can come close to satisfying him. Back when he had it, there was still a chance someone else could come along and banish it, but now, the bar has been firmly set.

They’ve already started the process of moving his stuff in, and _I love you_ echoes through his head.

He hasn’t said it back.

Sometimes, Ned’s insecurities will slip through - _You’re very good looking; what are you doing here? You’re too good to be true_ -, and he’ll wish Ned could spend a day observing himself through his eyes.

He needs to say it back, but he’s not the type of fighter Ned is. He can’t just put his fears and insecurities aside and make himself so completely vulnerable.

Ned loves him but didn’t remember the bathhouse. There hasn’t been an itch underneath Ned’s skin for years.

Sleep starts to come, and he tries to go with it.

…

“Hey, sleepy head,” he hears along with the feel of shoulder being shaken. “Time to get up. Come on, you’re going to be late.”

He yawns, wiggles against the pleasant warmth, and blinks up.

Ned’s amused, fond face comes into view, and a soft kiss is pressed against his lips. “Come on. Up and at ‘em.”

“No,” he mumbles. Pulling Ned against him, he sighs, “Let’s take the day off.”

“Okay.” Ned gives him a deeper kiss.

When it ends, he finds himself looking up and knowing he can start a new pattern.

“I lo-” Yawning, he cups Ned’s cheek. “Hey, I love you. You know that, right?”


End file.
